I Can’t Wait

But can’t you? Why this phrase is so unhelpful.

I have a lot to look forward to. 

Upcoming travels. 

Seeing friends. 

A wedding (I’m recently engaged). 

I use the phrase “I can’t wait!” approximately once per day. 

“I can’t wait to see you!”

“Can’t wait until this is over.”

“I can’t wait for my summer vacation.”

There are a couple of reasons why this is an unhelpful and even harmful phrase. 

First of all, saying “I can’t” immediately implies limitations or struggle. 

Secondly and most importantly, it indicates a desire to fast forward. 

As if I wish it was happening now, I don’t want to wait for it, and I wish I didn’t have to. 

It expresses impatience, dissatisfaction, and distraction from the present moment. 

And it begs the question, what’s the rush?

The second I’m “looking forward to XYZ” I’m not focused on the now. 

The irony is that I always “can’t wait”. Ahead of my 7 Day Silent Retreat I couldn’t wait for it. I was so excited. I was counting down the days. It was all I thought about for weeks. And then as soon as I was there, I was counting down the days until it was over. It was a challenging experience and I couldn’t wait to talk again, listen to music, and see my partner.

It’s healthy and happy to have things to look forward to. It keeps us motivated, inspired, and driven. 

But we can take it too far.

You know when you fast forward through commercials and accidentally go too far forward, and you miss some of the show?

That’s life.

I notice myself looking forward, skipping forward, a lot. 

As if I would prefer to 1.5x the speed of my life. 

There is a way to communicate enthusiasm for a future state to yourself and others without an implicit regret over the now. 

So, my new phrases:
“I miss you! It will be so fun to see you.”

“We will have a great time next week!”

“I am excited for the trip this summer.”

“I will appreciate when my work schedule is lighter.”

The new approach feels more positive and present. I don’t feel as much longing or impatience even reading them as I do with the “I can’t wait.”

And you may be wondering why this even matters.

Why am I nitpicking on this?

It’s because life is short. Every day is a gift, and no single moment is guaranteed. 

If we spend the majority of our time focused on something other than the present moment, we’re doing ourselves a disservice. We will miss out on all of the good that is happening in the now because we’re too busy assuming the future will bring us more joy. The language we use is nuanced but impactful. 

I can wait for my trip this summer. I am really excited and I think it’ll be great. But I can wait. 

I can wait for warmer weather. The chilly air now is refreshing. 

I can wait for more clarity around my work. 

When I notice myself future speaking I check myself and ask myself, “what’s the rush?”

The only reason for time is so everything doesn’t happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

My challenge to you this week is to increase your awareness around your fast-forward phrases. You could even keep a count in your notes app. 

Do you speak in a way that is additive to your current state? 

If not, it’s ok, me neither. 

Step 1 is awareness. Step 2 is change. 

I can wait for my growth :) 

Resources: 

1. Presence journal

2. Quick meditation to be here, now

3. I have  a presence exercise I do where I put my liked songs on shuffle. I have to listen to each one in full vs. skipping ahead, even if I would prefer to listen to something else. I liked the song enough to add it to my library, and it will change in 3 minutes. I can wait. 

With love and light,
Liv

About Liv:

Hi! I’m Olivia (Liv) Bowser. If you’re new here, nice to meet you! Every Sunday I share a letter on whatever current mindfulness-related topic is bumping around in my brain. My goal is to create an empowering space for us to work through lifes’ anxieties and hopefully find some peace and a breath of fresh air within it all. Thank you for reading :)